02 December, 2007

Crabtree Quote Nº 11

Marley was dead to begin with,
the goons in Department S do a good job !

06 October, 2007

Greek Adventure

It appears that Milford Crabtree has been serving Queen and country in the Mediterranean of late.
Keep it up Milford !


18 September, 2007

Ownership issues cited by Crabtree

Before his father died, Robert Sr. was the car dealer and "Joey was the operator in Surrey and I was the operator in the far east," Milford Crabtree said. ...

24 August, 2007

Milford Information

Mentioned in dispatches and decorated on a number of occasions Milford Crabtree has served queen and country for over thirty years. Lost behind enemy lines in the first Iraqi conflict, he surfaced three months later in Istanbul with a smile on his face and an irritated John Thomas. Those three months are still covered by the official secrets act.

Speaking five foreign languages and a master of disguise it was inevitable that Milford would come to the attention of MI6 headhunters.

A man of letters, known for his ready wit and useful sayings, Milford Crabtree is often quoted.

Little is known about his background but rumour has it that he is the black sheep of a family of old school landed gentry. He has been known to tell people that he is 42nd in line to the throne. Not sure if it’s got something to do with the Monarchy or Ideal Standard !

Always one for the ladies and in times of hardship befriending the odd sailor, Milford has rubbed shoulders, and other parts of his anatomy, with those in high places. He has seen active service in the Andes.

Not much else about him is in the public domain. So we are still left puzzling over ‘who is Milford Crabtree ?’.

14 August, 2007

01 August, 2007

Black Propagana

Agent Smith writes:

"Millford Crabtree is merely the British name used by an enemy agent when
operating on British territory. In Italy, he uses the name Julio
Scarlotti, and in Austria, he is Hans Schlacht, or sometimes Hans
Auschwinger, which was his adopted mother's maiden name.

He was an illegitimate child born to a Viennese teenager in 1930.
Raised at the Austrian Sisters of Charity Orphanage. He was adopted by
the rich couple Kurt Schlacht and Maria Auschwinger. During the War,
Kurt and Maria became envoys to Mussolini's Italy, and were hanged as
war criminals after the allied victoy. A screw up in military orders
allowed the youth to be present at the hanging, and he was forever
changed by what he saw. He is now an evil enemy spy, roving Europe,
running operations for any villain who can meet his price, if they need
an attack made on the west. "

This is simply not true, but in the world of espionage lies like this will be perpetrated.

05 July, 2007

What happened to Quote Nº 8 ?

Ooops !

Here it is Milf fans:

"Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dine like Oliver Cromwell"

10 June, 2007

15 May, 2007

Milford Crabtree officiating

(Brant Funeral Service - Portsmouth, Ohio) Obituaries
Milford Crabtree officiating. Interment will follow in Memorial Burial Park. Close friends and family may call at the Brant Funeral Home in Portsmouth from ...

14 May, 2007

Please help us

Please help us in our quest to find the answer to the question:

Who is Milford Crabtree ?

Please ask the question of others, please put a link to our site, please just spread the word.

12 May, 2007

Milford where are you ?

The Earth Blog : Giving The Earth A Future - Bravenet Blog
Posted by Qoute:. “No man is an island, but he can be a peninsular.” – Milford Crabtree. Monday, January 22nd 2007 @ 1:54 PM ...

05 May, 2007

Crabtree Quote Nº 7

"There’s no such thing as a free lunch,
but a BOGOF on Pot Noodles is not a bad deal."

02 May, 2007

Big Girl's Blouse

The silkworm's silk comes out of its mouth as a thread of gooey liquid. So that nice silk blouse Mrs Crabtree spent a fortune on is really just wormspit.

25 April, 2007

Milford Crabtree seen dancing on the Moon with Elvis Prestley

We're currently in a bidding war with the Sunday Sport for Sadie Bains' kiss and tell story. Sadie is an ex-girlfriend of Milford's. If we don't win, as we suspect, then we'll just make something up !

16 April, 2007


Some say his farts are like the Mistral,
some say he can pull his foreskin over his head.
Who knows ?
All we know is he's called Milford Crabtree.

29 March, 2007

Milford in Dublin

Dermot O'Toole spotted Milford exiting the The Ha'penny Bridge Inn last night in a relaxed manner !
Thanks Dermot

26 March, 2007


Our thanks to Faustino Boggs for letting us know that Milford has his own MySpace. You can find him here:


12 March, 2007

25 February, 2007

16 February, 2007

A Different Milford Crabtree

Milford B. Crabtree was born Feb. 28, 1891 in Lee Co. Va. the son of George Crabtree and Rebecca Ann Litton. Milford Died May 20, 1910.
"Short Life"...

04 February, 2007

A Sighting

Our thanks to Giles Sloth for his e-mail:

"I've just seen Milford Crabtree on the front at Clacton. At first I thought it might have been Lobby Ludd and I was all ready to claim my five pounds, but as I got nearer I noticed it was Milford. He was violently scratching in the wedding tackle area. Betty Swollocks most likely."

That sounds like our Milford. Thanks Giles.

28 January, 2007

Thanks Alexius !

"Mrs. Weasley took a piece of buttered toast from a stack on the kitchentable, put it into the fire tongs, and transferred it into Mr. Diggorysmouth."

22 January, 2007

Crabtree Quote Nº 4

We thought it time for another gem:

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, kick him in the goolies."

15 January, 2007

E-mail from Milford (Part II)

The second riveting post from our friend 'Hobbs':

Yet when we have the courage and preparedness to say 'yes', amazing things can happen. Accepting the gift with honesty and appreciation is a wonderful gift back, though mainly unspoken and intangible. Go on, give this simple rule a run this week! It's like saying, 'Well, well, how wonderful that someone appreciates what I do sometimes, you are so kind for giving me the feedback that what I do is valued'. So, I said 'Thank you, I appreciate that you have made this gesture, and I'm very grateful'.

We look forward to your next e-mail Milford !

12 January, 2007

E-mail from Milford (Part I)

We've had an e-mail from Milford under one of his codenames, 'Hobbs'. Here it is:

At the end, everyone was provided with a substantial piece of apple pie and offered thick dollops of cream from a jug. Sometimes you can combine 'active' with 'break' very inexpensively. Putting timers on indoor lights to suggest that someone is home at night can also help mask travel plans. So making sure that you do more of what you enjoy and are naturally good at makes us feel great and realise that we are contributing, truly and making a difference somewhere. Then you truly can have the cream in your business relationships - and it will, I promise you, taste really good! Someone said, in a flippant moment, 'Exciting things happen when you say 'yes'', which I thought was quite interesting and likely is quite true as well. This constant squeezing of our comfort in our own skin can make us feel despondent and unhappy.
That can apply to anything. Putting timers on indoor lights to suggest that someone is home at night can also help mask travel plans.

Milford, we couldn't agree more !

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode.

10 January, 2007


We’ve had a communication from one of Milford’s old school friends:

I was at school with Milford Crabtree. Ugly bleeder. Always breaking wind due to being a big fan of the old baked bean. He came unstuck though one day early on in his school life. It was in the days when we were still wearing short trousers; he came up to a group of us and did the loudest fart that we’d ever heard. Result, he shat himself. We all laughed but Milford burst into tears. He wandered round and round the playground crying as the diarrhoea ran slowly down his leg. Don’t expect he’d like to be reminded of it now.” - Doris Newbold

Thanks Doris for sharing that with us.

06 January, 2007

Milford's Odd Trick

It doesn't take many drinks for Milford to do his party trick - The Elephant.
Pulling out the inner part of his trouser pockets, unzipping his flies and getting his knob out he is usually heard to say "Ladies, meet Nelly the Elephant".

Crabtree Quote Nº 2

"Religion is the Ovaltine of the people."

02 January, 2007

Øld Bill

Apparently Dutch police "had a word" with him, but he hasn't been charged !

01 January, 2007

Unconfirmed Sighting

We have an unconfirmed sighting that he was seen in an advanced state of inebriation, on New Years Eve, urinating from a bridge into the Amstel, in Amsterdam.